Friday, October 29

Noble Map Pack Achievements Revealed

Urk tells all in the Bungie update about Noble Maps Pack Achievements:

Dave Candland tells me that some of you were asking about DLC achievements this week. In an act of selfless generosity, he sent the latest artwork my way so you could thoroughly ogle it. 

Totally Worth It

50 Points

Earn a Double Kill from the Grave in multiplayer Matchmaking.

Both Barrels

50 Points

Earn a Double Kill with the shotgun in multiplayer Matchmaking.


50 Points

Kill a player at long range with the DMR in a matchmade Slayer game.

You Ate All the Chips

42 Points

Collect all of the flags in a matchmade Stockpile game.

You Blew It Up!

13 Points

Blow up the research facility in a matchmade Invasion game on Breakpoint.

Poppin' & Lockin'

25 Points

Destroy a vehicle using Armor Lock in a matchmade game.

Offensive Driver

20 Points

Earn a kill in a matchmade Rocket Race game.

Monday, October 25

Check out this 'dramatic' summary of Halo as described by Encyclopedia Dramatica

Halo , also known as Gaylo and Failo, is an overrated, overhyped FPS game with outdated controls, terrible graphics, and a convoluted storyline that was once considered "good" only because most gamers have never opened a book. The online multiplayer is scientifically designed to get on your nerves. The storyline also ripped off some shitty 1970's book called 'Ringworld', that nobody cared about, and also ripped off vehicles, designs, and Sgt. Apone (Johnson) from Aliens, which everyone did care about. The game was credited for saving Microsoft's Xbox from going straight down the drain because at the time, it was the only reason anyone would have wanted one. The official website for gay banana split Halo fans is, a gay banana website.

If you thought that was bad, check out it's description of the fine members of Team: Noble. I warn you, it aint PC:

  • Kat: Some bitch who likes to touch and hax everything, lost her right arm because she gave Carter a handjob. She dies by getting shot by a needle rifle round. Lulz. After she dies, you decide to drag her body off the battlefield for later use. When Reach first came out, snapshots of her ass were always at the top of the "Top Downloads" list, which is not surprising given that the average Halofag spends too much time in the basement to talk women.
  • EmileNigger with a cool skull helmet and knife. Gets stabbed by an Elite with an energy sword.
  • Jorge: Big-ass bearded guy with big-ass gun. Will fuck you up. Kills himself in Covenant ship to save Reach by blowing it up, but more, even larger ships came like an endless swarm of nigras.
  • Noble SixYou, Talks less than a mute retard. Gang raped by elites at the end.

No mention of Oonsk?

Thursday, October 14

Reach Achievements Guide with Video

Need help getting those pesky Halo: Reach gamer point achievements? Here's a handy guide put together by some people who clearly don't live in the real world as they clearly have too much time on their hands... where is says Video Guide, this is actually a link, I too lazy to colour them all in!

The Soldier We Need You To Be 25
Completed the Campaign on Normal difficulty.

Complete Campaign Video Guide

Folks Need Heroes... 50
Completed the Campaign on Heroic difficulty.

Complete Campaign Video Guide

Gods Must Be Strong 125
Completed the Campaign on Legendary difficulty.

Complete Campaign Video Guide

A Monument To All Your Sins 150
Completed every mission in Halo: Reach alone, on Legendary.

Complete Campaign Video Guide

One of the more difficult achievements in this game. You must have the mentality of Gears of War campaign on Insane meets Halo. Using the right weapon, armor capability, and staying in cover are key to survival and success. Some other helpful hints are hooking up your Marines with better weapons and letting them drive around while you go on foot or on another vehicle so that they can either cause damage on their own, die on their own, or simply just cause a distraction so you can pick off enemies one at a time. 

It is helpful to remember that when you are fighting with a Spartan(s), if they should die for some odd reason, they will respawn again and again so make use of your Spartan(s) and let them take on as many Elites/Brutes as possible. 

Helpful combos: armor lock up and shot gun/sword for close combat; active camo for assassinations, the noob combo = plasma pistol and any riffle. 

The following specific Campaign Mission achievements all must be completed on Normal difficulty setting or higher:

We're Just Getting Started 10

Completed the 2nd mission on Normal or harder.

Protocol Dictates Action 10
Completed the 3rd mission on Normal or harder.

I Need A Weapon 10
Completed the 4th mission on Normal or harder.

To War 10
Completed the 5th mission on Normal or harder.

You Flew Pretty Good 10
Completed the 6th mission on Normal or harder.

Into The Howling Dark 10
Completed the 7th mission on Normal or harder.

Dust And Echoes 10
Completed the 8th mission on Normal or harder.

This Is Not Your Grave 10
Completed the 9th mission on Normal or harder.

Send Me Out... With A Bang 10
Completed the 10th mission on Normal or harder.

They've Always Been Faster 25
Cleared the 2nd mission without setting foot in a drivable vehicle.

Easy but time consuming. This can be earned on Normal difficulty setting or higher, just make us of the sprint capability and DO NOT even enter ANY vehicle - driver, gunner, or passenger seat. 

Two Corpses In One Grave 25
Killed 2 vehicles at once with the Target Locator in the 3rd mission.

Video Guide

Banshees, Fast And Low 25
Hijacked a Banshee during the Reach Campaign.

Load Tip of the Spear, Rally Point Bravo on Normal and watch this: 

Video Guide

Your Heresy Will Stay Your Feet 25
Killed the Elite Zealot before he escaped during the 5th mission.

Video Guide

If They Came To Hear Me Beg 25
Performed an Assassination against an Elite to survive a fall that would've been fatal.

By description, it's the one where you have to: Perform an Assassination against an Elite to survive a fall that would've been fatal.

Well the consensus seems to be that the only place to do this is on Pillar of Autumn, right at the beginning of the level where you go diving off the cliff.

Here's the video: Pillar of Autumn

Now, I know people who have done this successfully. Some took 2 tries, others took 20 tries, many took tens, if not hundreds, of attempts.

Well, I'm here to tell you that I know of at least two other places/levels where this can be done.

Alternate spot #1: Rally Point Bravo on Tip of the Spear

Shortly after the chopper crashes. Before your attack on the Spire. There's an Elite manning a Plasma Turret. If you use the jet-pack, you can rock climb up high enough to get above him and drop down for the assassination.

Here's a rendered video if SIP Crucio pulling off the move: Tip of the Spear

Alternate Spot #2: Nightfall

Right at the beginning of the level. Assassinate the first Elite quietly. The snipe the two sleeping Grunts. Then work your way around the cliff to the right and sprint off the ledge and kill the Elite below.

Here's a YouTube video by GAMESLATESTvideos on how it's done: Nightfall

So there you have it. Three possibilities for this achievement. If you've been driven to madness on PoA, try one of these other techniques.

Wake Up Buttercup 25
Destroyed the Corvette's engines & escort in under 3 minutes in the 6th mission on Heroic or harder.

Video Guide 1

Video Guide 2

Tank Beats Everything 25
Finished the 9th mission on Legendary with the Scorpion intact.

Video Guide 1

Video Guide 2

Lucky Me 25
Earned a Triple Kill while Jetpacking in Campaign, Firefight or Matchmaking.

Best done while in Firefight with a rocket launcher or fuel rod - point at grunts and shoot. 

Video Guide

Killed 7 Moa during the 2nd mission of the Campaign.

Kill the birds that look like this HERE

Video Guide

I Didn't Train To Be A Pilot 10
Killed 3 of the anti-aircraft batteries during the 8th mission.

Video Guide

Doctor, Doctor 5
Used a Health Pack to replenish life after taking body damage.

That's A Knife 10
Performed an Assassination on an enemy.

Press the melee option while behind an enemy - Elite or Brute on Normal or higher difficulty. 

I See You Favour A .45 10
Killed 10 enemies in a Firefight or Campaign session with the M6G pistol.

Point. Shoot. Make gun go pew pew on Normal or higher difficulty. 

An Elegant Weapon 10
Killed 10 enemies in a Firefight or Campaign session with the DMR.

Point. Shoot. Make gun go pew pew on Normal or higher difficulty. 

Swap Meet 10
Traded weapons with an AI ally in Campaign.

Walk up to a Marine and swap weapons on Normal or higher difficulty.

A Spoonful Of Blamite 10
Killed 10 enemies in Firefight or Campaign with a supercombine explosion.

Easiest to earn in Firefight, simply use the needler on Elites if you're having trouble getting the required explosion. You must see the little pink explosion medal for all 10 kills in order for it to count.

Video Guide 1

Video Guide 2

Be My Wingman Anytime 5
Let a teammate spawn on you 5 times in an Invasion Matchmaking game.

No, you're not picking up chicks at a bar with your buddies' help.

Yes, Sensei 10
Earned a First Strike Medal in a Matchmaking game.

Get the first kill in a matchmaking game online.

Skunked 10
Won a game of Invasion in the 1st phase.

What's A Killing Spree? 5
Earned a Killing Spree in multiplayer Matchmaking.

Crowd Control 10
Earned a Killionaire medal in Firefight.

Video Guide

Knife To A Gun Fight 5
As an Elite, killed 5 Spartan players in Matchmaking.

Score Attack 10
Scored 15,000 points in Score Attack Firefight Matchmaking.

Achievement Farming Video Guide

Game Variant

Firestarter 10
Scored 50,000 points in a Firefight game.

Achievement Farming Video Guide

Game Variant

Meet Bob, the Golden Ranger

I simply just had to steal this post from the HBO forums cos like well, it was just awesome and I've got nothing else to do.... does Bob the Golden Ranger remind you of Bumblebee from Transformers?

The Blue Ninja writes:

Ever since I heard of Elites scouring the countryside of our beloved Reach, I've been travelling all across the planet, trying to document and study the creatures. While ONI tries to depict them as brainless lizards, I've discovered they're actually very clever, very fierce and very proud warriors, who wouldn't hesitate to snap my neck and eat my elbows. This knowledge, however, has not stopped me: after all, I've had some training to deal with problematic and armored situations.

As I traveled and documented, I began hearing tales of a mysterious type of Elite. These mandibled enigmas look a lot like their lesser Ranger brethren, with one key difference: they have Gold armor. I was intrigued, to say the least. Occasionally, I came across one of these Bigfoots of the Sangheili species, and quickly discerned a pattern: they would always appear in the same place, and when they spotted any human presence nearby, would make a break for it, eventually disappearing alltogether. Curious behavior for an Elite, to say the least.

So imagine my surprise when, as I was traversing the Covenant-infested landscape of Utzkotet, one of these so-called 'Bobs' (as the population of Reach have come to calling them) not only appeared appeared in a place it had never appeared before, but also proceeded to attack me. Not having anticipated this attack, I was quickly overwhelmed, and forced to retreat.

The Elite, while more aggressive than his colleagues, was still less aggressive than a "normal" Sangheili, however. As I made my second foray into its territory, it just stood there, and watched: undoubtedly waiting for me to get close again.

In the end, my survival instincts took over, and I decided I'd kill first, and investigate later. In an impressive display of gravity-defiance (even if I do say so myself), I pushed the Elite down to my level, where I'd be able to tango with him on a much more intimate distance.

I don't like dancing, though, and quickly decided to cut our téte-à-téte short. Literally.

Here's a video of one of the instances of the Golden Rod appearing: